Struggling with showering? You’re not alone

Why can washing be difficult?

Everyone’s experience is different, but here are some reasons you might feel this way:

• avoiding certain body parts that bring up memories
• feeling vulnerable when undressed
• lacking the energy or motivation for self-care
• worrying about flashbacks in the shower
• feeling uncomfortable touching your own body
• feeling like you don’t deserve to take care of yourself
• finding the sensations of water or soap overwhelming

It’s important to acknowledge that this is a sensitive and common experience. For many, not washing can lead to feelings of shame or embarrassment, but remember, there is no right or wrong way to handle these difficulties.

How washing can help

For some, showering or bathing has benefits beyond cleanliness. It can help in grounding, a gentle reminder of self-worth, or a chance to reconnect with the body. Here are a few reasons why washing may feel helpful:

• grounding: the sensation of water can be grounding and soothing
• self: it can remind us that we deserve care
• distraction: focusing on sensations like heat, cold, or water pressure
• comfort: feeling physically refreshed can be comforting
• connection: it may gently rebuild a relationship with your body

Think about which of these, if any, feel meaningful to you. Small steps can be powerful in re-establishing comfort with washing.

Tips to make washing easier

Washing is a big part of self-care, and not washing can make us feel physically uncomfortable. However, it is also okay sometimes to let go of our expectations for how often we wash or how well we wash ourselves. For some people, there is power in giving themselves forgiveness for not washing as often as they used to think they should.

There are a range of things you could do to make washing yourself easier. Some might work for you, some might not. You could try a couple of techniques and see how they go. Then the next time, try out another technique. Keep notes about what works for you and what doesn’t. 

Small steps

• stand under the water if it’s all you can manage (or sit down on the floor in the shower or on a shower seat) 
• try a “passport wash”: wash only your face and hands
• half and half wash: only wash the top half of your body, keeping the bottom half clothed. Then, another time, wash the bottom half of your body 
• try washing just your hair over the sink
• use baby wipes, dry shampoo, or deodorant on days when showering feels like too much
• try bathing instead of showering, or vice versa
• not doing the bit that is triggering you every time you wash, do it as infrequently as possible
• consider what actually needs to get done and just do that bi (e.g., just wash under arms)

Ways to make washing take less energy: 

• plan around showering. You could not do some other activities on the day of or the day before you need to shower 
• try a bath and prepare everything you need around you before you get in
• choose a time when you have the most energy
• use a shower seat and movable showerhead. Don’t use a shower where you have to hold up the shower head yourself

Creating a sense of safety

• wear a swimsuit or clothing in the shower if it makes you feel safer
• what lighting would feel most comfortable. Would you prefer low light? To be in the dark? To have bright light?
• could you put on music or a podcast to help distract you while you wash. Focus on the sounds
• consider the products you use to wash with. Could you get soap, shampoo, conditioner, that smells really good to you? Could you focus on it while you wash – even putting some in your hand and holding it up to your nose and breathe in the smell?
• how else could you ground yourself when washing? Could you do some mental grounding, like the alphabet game, or times tables, while you wash? Could you say affirmations? Could you focus on your breathing? Could you picture a place you feel safe?

After-wash comfort

Think about what will feel soothing, distracting or peaceful after washing. It might be a cosy blanket, a cup of tea, or connecting with someone you trust.

Giving yourself permission and patience

Remember, self-care isn’t about strict rules. Forgiving yourself if you skip a day or if you don’t feel up for a full wash is part of being kind to yourself. Try out different techniques, take note of what works, and give yourself the space to ease into it. Little by little, you may find ways that help washing feel more comfortable.

Above all, remember that you’re not alone, and you deserve compassion and care — in whatever ways work for you.