The impact of trauma on pregnancy, birth & parenthood

These experiences can affect you in different ways, from physical and emotional difficulties to feelings of fear and uncertainty. In this blog, we want to offer a supportive space to understand these challenges and share some coping strategies for anyone navigating this journey with past trauma.

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Pregnancy, birth & parenthood

Pregnancy and birth can be especially difficult for survivors of sexual violence. Some of the difficulties you might face could include:

• Feelings of unsafety: Pregnancy might bring up feelings of vulnerability, leaving you feeling unsure or exposed.
• Loss of control: During pregnancy, there can be a sense of losing control of your body or feeling like it’s no longer entirely yours.
• Triggers: Specific parts of your body or certain experiences might bring up painful memories of abuse.
• Fears about birth and parenthood: The idea of giving birth or becoming a parent can be overwhelming, especially when the parts of your body involved in birth might remind you of past trauma.
• Unplanned pregnancy: If your pregnancy was unplanned or the result of trauma, it can contribute to additional emotional distress.
  

These experiences can lead to intense feelings and reactions, such as:

• Dissociation or hyper-alertness: You might feel disconnected or always on edge.
• Emotional exhaustion: You might feel drained, upset, or confused after medical visits or discussions about your care.
• Discomfort with intimacy: Having strangers or medical professionals involved in intimate moments may feel overwhelming.
• Anxiety about parenting: You might worry that your past experiences will affect your bond with your baby.
• Challenges with breastfeeding: Some survivors find breastfeeding to be triggering or difficult.
  

It’s important to know that all your feelings are valid.

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Tips for navigating pregnancy and birth

While this journey can feel daunting, there are steps you can take to make it more manageable. Here are some gentle suggestions to help you feel safer and more in control:

During pregnancy:

• Bring a friend or support person: Having someone you trust by your side during appointments can bring comfort and emotional support.
• Prepare questions: Writing down questions or concerns ahead of time can help you feel more in control during appointments.

Creating a birth plan:

• Include comfort measures: Think about what will make you feel safe and at ease during birth, such as dim lighting, the presence of certain people or fewer interruptions.
• Share your history, if you’re comfortable: If you feel ready, sharing your past with your healthcare team can help ensure you’re treated with extra care. Consider writing it down on a card for new staff to avoid repeatedly retelling your story.

Breastfeeding support:

• Seek peer support: Find local breastfeeding support groups before giving birth or reach out to someone who has experienced breastfeeding themselves for emotional guidance.

Building a support system:

• Choose a trusted birth partner: Surround yourself with someone you completely trust during birth.
• Consider a doula: A doula is trained to provide non-clinical support during pregnancy, birth, and postpartum. Their calm presence can be very comforting.
• Reach out to specialist services: There are local sexual violence services that provide support specifically tailored to your needs.

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Parenting as a survivor of child sexual abuse (CSA)

Parenting as a CSA survivor can add an additional layer of fear and difficulty. It can stir up painful memories and create worries about your ability to care for your child.

Some common concerns include:

• Worries about harming your child: CSA survivors may fear they might unintentionally hurt their child, especially during intimate caregiving moments like bathing or changing.
• Concerns about your child’s safety: You might feel an intense sense of anxiety about your child’s safety, which can lead to hyper-vigilance.
• Difficulty with physical closeness: Tasks that require close physical contact with your child, such as holding or breastfeeding, can be triggering.
  

These feelings can sometimes make you feel disconnected from your child or unsure of your ability to bond. But please know: you are not alone, and many parents (including those who are not CSA survivors) have similar feelings. With time, support, and self-compassion, healing and connection can come.

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Tips for CSA survivors navigating parenthood

Here are some strategies that might help you manage past trauma while being the loving parent you want to be:

• Reflect on your parenting goals: Take time to think about the kind of parent you want to be. Understanding your values and goals can help you feel more confident and focused.
• Learn about parenting: Parenting is something you can grow into. Consider reading books, attending courses, or reaching out to support services to build your confidence.
• Limit exposure to triggers: If certain tasks or situations feel overwhelming, it’s okay to ask for help or take breaks. For example, you might want to ask someone to help with changing or baths until you feel more comfortable.
• Create a safe environment: Surround yourself with people who understand and support you, helping to create a safe space for both you and your child.

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Specialist support available

Parenthood as a CSA survivor can feel isolating, but there is support out there.

The Survivors Trust and Kings College London have partnered with women with lived experience of CSA to co-create a helpful resource guide to assist you through pregnancy, birth, and parenthood.

Read here: Pregnancy, Birth and Parenthood after Childhood Sexual Abuse

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Remember: you’re already doing a remarkable job navigating these challenges. Please reach out for support when you need it, and know that you are worthy of care, healing, and connection.